Funny long jokes

You should never ignore words of advice from people who are qualified to give it – otherwise things can turn out like in this story. A man on a flight to Chicago suddenly found himself having an urgent need to use the bathroom. He headed over to the men’s room, nervously tapping his foot on...

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming...

This night they have had one too many Bacardi Breezers and are unsteadily walking home. On the way they suddenly realize that they really have to pee, and lacking any proper facilities, they decide to sneak into a graveyard. The first woman realizes that she has nothing to wipe with, so she...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." ...

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah...

God was just about done creating humans. He was feeling pretty satisfied with his work, but he had two parts left over. He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them. “I’ve got two things for you, but you’ll have to decide who gets...

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies...

Man in Hurry.. - Damn Funny

An elderly couple, Mildred and George, moved to Texas. George always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Mildred looked...

Mom: Time to wake up and go to school! Son: No, I don’t wanna go to school today! Mom: But you have to go to school. Son: But, I don’t wanna go to school. Mom: Give me three good reasons why you should stay home, and I will give you three reasons why you need to go to school. Son:...