Trifon ‘The Wolfman’ Ivanov. Bulgarian midfielder. Looks like the Iron Curtain fell on his face.
Gareth Bale. Or is it Diddy Kong? I can never tell.
Luke Chadwick. Oh, the horror...
Put your hands up for Dirk Kuyt... and use them to cover your eyes.
Ronaldinho. Like a black Cleetus the slack jawed yokel
The perfect specimen
Peter Beardsley. Looks like someone kicked the photocopier while he was being printed.
Steve Ogrizovic. Like Jaws off of Bond, but ace in goal.
Ronaldo in his, "loving life", phase
Peter Crouch. Actual quote "What you be if you weren't a footballer?" "A virgin."