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Brad Pitt Scampers Away From Script After Detecting Musk Of Chris Pine On Pages

Brad Pitt Scampers Away From Script After Detecting Musk Of Chris Pine On Pages

Chris Pine, Chris D'elia, News Source, Brad Pitt, The Onion, Scripts

Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D.C. Will Cut Into His Business

Biden Worries Legalized Weed In D. Will Cut Into His Business - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

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The Onion, America's Finest News Source.

MIAMI—Whirling an empty Corona bottle above his head as he drew onlookers’ attention with a loud, sustained howl, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly impressed Florida voters Monday by jumping from his hotel balcony into the pool below.

Sanders Impresses Florida Voters By Jumping From Hotel Balcony Into Pool

MIAMI—Whirling an empty Corona bottle above his head as he drew onlookers’ attention with a loud, sustained howl, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly impressed Florida voters Monday by jumping from his hotel balcony into the pool below.

The Onion, America's Finest News Source.

‘There Is Beauty In Decay,’ Says Head Of Federal Highway Administration While Surveying Nation’s Crumbling Roads

‘There Is Beauty In Decay,’ Says Head Of Federal Highway Administration While Surveying Nation’s Crumbling Roads

‘There Is Beauty In Decay,’ Says Head Of Federal Highway Administration While Surveying Nation’s Crumbling Roads - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

TUCSON, AZ—Explaining that the large-scale shift in geologic conditions and social organization would require a new taxonomic classification, researchers at the University of Arizona released a report Tuesday revealing that humanity is approximately 10 years away from something that will be called the Ash Age. “According to our projections, within the next decade, conditions on Earth will become such that human civilization will enter a span of time best classified as the Ash Age, or…

New Report Finds Humanity 10 Years Away From Something Called Ash Age

TUCSON, AZ—Explaining that the large-scale shift in geologic conditions and social organization would require a new taxonomic classification, researchers at the University of Arizona released a report Tuesday revealing that humanity is approximately 10 years away from something that will be called the Ash Age. “According to our projections, within the next decade, conditions on Earth will become such that human civilization will enter a span of time best classified as the Ash Age, or…

Department Of Interior Sets Aside 50,000 Acres Of Federal Land For Anonymous Sexual Encounters

Department Of Interior Sets Aside 50,000 Acres Of Federal Land For Anonymous Sexual Encounters

Department Of Interior Sets Aside Acres Of Federal Land For Anonymous Sexual Encounters - The Onion - America's Finest News Source

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

Weird Wooden Chair Pressed Into Service For Thanksgiving

Weird Wooden Chair Pressed Into Service For Thanksgiving

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