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Backstreet Boy Nick Carter got married, so sorry ladies who still know who Nick Carter is. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

Garbage day the recycling bin is practically empty, I feel like I've let Earth down. - by Jeff Dwoskin

Crossing something out with a highlighter just confuses everybody. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

Crossing something out with a highlighter just confuses everybody. - by Jeff Dwoskin

They put in a Tim Hortons right next to where I live and I drive by it everyday, it's like I suddenly live in Canada! -  by Jeff Dwoskin

They put in a Tim Hortons right next to where I live and I drive by it everyday, it's like I suddenly live in Canada! - by Jeff Dwoskin

Tomorrow everyone at work will assume just because I'm wearing a gold jacket I'm trying to be Bruno Mars. #SuperBowI -  by Jeff Dwoskin

Tomorrow everyone at work will assume just because I'm wearing a gold jacket I'm trying to be Bruno Mars. - by Jeff Dwoskin

My kids are addicted to 'Dance Moms.' However, that doesn't make me a bad parent. It makes my wife a bad parent. Totally her fault. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

My kids are addicted to 'Dance Moms.' However, that doesn't make me a bad parent. It makes my wife a bad parent. Totally her fault. - by Jeff Dwoskin

Life philosophy according to Krispy Kreme. Best. Advertisement. Ever. :) Like for more

Life philosophy according to Krispy Kreme. Awesome ad campaign, and excellent advice about everything in life.the key is balance, moderation, self-control, and common sense. The reality is that everyone just needs and deserves donut once in a while!

Anthony Weiner's lead is disappearing in the NYC mayor's race. He insists it is just shrinkage & to give him a minute. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

Anthony Weiner's lead is disappearing in the NYC mayor's race. He insists it is just shrinkage & to give him a minute. - by Jeff Dwoskin

After spending $320k to grow a hamburger in a lab, scientists agree it's probably easier to just play Barry White music to the cows. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

After spending $320k to grow a hamburger in a lab, scientists agree it's probably easier to just play Barry White music to the cows. - by Jeff Dwoskin

The only thing more annoying than cat pictures is listening to people who are looking at cat pictures. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

My cat acts like I'm invisible so I'm going to act like it doesn't need food. Game on* - by Jeff Dwoskin

The petition to deport Justin Bieber has over 100,000 signatures...I guess it isn't bullying if the person is a celebrity. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

The petition to deport Justin Bieber has over signatures.I guess it isn't bullying if the person is a celebrity. - by Jeff Dwoskin

Getting a new car, I'm looking forward to that new car smell. An air freshner would be cheaper, but I can never find one I'm happy with. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

I now have a kid in high school & middle school. As a parent, I can now relax as they enter these stress & drama free moments of their lives - by Jeff Dwoskin

When asked how he was going to deal w/the sentence Ariel Castro said he would focus on the life part & take the 1000 years a day at a time. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

When asked how he was going to deal w/the sentence Ariel Castro said he would focus on the life part & take the 1000 years a day at a time. - by Jeff Dwoskin

The hardest part of keeping up with the Kardashian's is pretending that I'm not. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

The hardest part of keeping up with the Kardashian's is pretending that I'm not. - by Jeff Dwoskin

People who still read actual books: You're adorable! -  by Jeff Dwoskin

People who still read actual books: You're adorable! - by Jeff Dwoskin

I made lamb chops so good tonight I honestly believe the lamb's mother would have said, "Well done sir, well done." -  by Jeff Dwoskin

I have a concealed-carry permit but I only use it to sneak popcorn & candy into the movie theater. - by Jeff Dwoskin

If you find me watching #thebachelor & I'm wearing sweatpants please send for help. -  by Jeff Dwoskin

If you find me watching & I'm wearing sweatpants please send for help. - by Jeff Dwoskin

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