After the Wedding: 10 Things You Need to Know About Being a Stepmom---Good points. Completely agree with #6 and #7. Do not take away the "first" from a mother. Always ask BEFORE doing, and if the mother says no, be understanding. This is her child, and not your child. The mother is entitled to the "first.' The step-mother is not. If the step-mother and mother are not cordial, the father should ask the mother. He should not assume anything and give permission without asking first.