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"I am gonna open up a business for bad days. I'll come over and cook dinner, play boards games, watch a movie, chat, give hugs or cuddles. When I go, I'll leave you with fresh baked cookies."

"Every high school should have a mandatory class called "Life" which teaches you how to: sew, change a tire/oil, do taxes, basic first aid, basic cooking etc. Basic things that you need in real life."

"I'm that person in the corner pretending to space out when I'm actually listening to every conversation around me within a ten yard radius"

"Never using online dating again.... Last guy said he lived in a gated community.... Prison. He meant prison."

"I work in an ER and just witnessed the craziest thing! Doctor called time of death on a code blue patient and as we start cleaning up, the monitor starts picking up a heartbeat! She fucking survived! "

"I'm an attractive, well educated, classy, and honest woman... who farts, pees in the shower, forgets to brush, and wears the same bra at least 10 times before I wash it."

"That fail moment when you pull your blankets up and punch yourself in the face"

"People were giving me weird looks thinking I was pregnant because I'm young, but I was honestly just protecting my bag of chips from the rain"