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After cleaning other people's houses for 5 hours straight, I can honestly say I've done this...more than once...

Funny Confession Ecard: I fully intended to have the house cleaned, dinner made, and look incredible when you got home. It's just that I fell asleep.

Funny Family Ecard: If you are going to scream like that, you better be on fire with a stick in your eye.

My daughter doesn't do that shit. And parents that allow their kids to.well I will light you on fire and put a stick in your eye!

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Free and Funny Cry For Help Ecard: I don't want to fold my laundry. So I'll restart the dryer.in a row.

Remember when Jamie Foxx said Miley Cyrus would end up on a stripper pole and had to apologize? Betty White #funny

Jamie Foxx To Miley Cyrus: "Do Some Heroin... Catch Chlamydia... " (NSFW AUDIO)

Remember a few years ago when Jamie Foxx said Miley Cyrus would end up on a stripper pole and had to apologize? Well Betty White now thinks everyone owes Jamie Foxx an apology.

Halloween Shoe Saying, "Witch please"

Wizard of Oz Humor: This lady was all like "gimme yo shoes" and I was like "witch, please"

Best costume idea I've seen in a while.

22 of the most amazing DIY kids Halloween costumes that definitely warrant extra treats

Kids dressed up for Halloween as Napoleon & Kip; Also, their expressions fit their characters PERFECTLY (unless of course, the Kip kid is depressed by his costume, and the Napoleon kid is totally confused by his) !

Hilarious Mommy Memes.  If you're a mom, you'll understand.

Funniest mommy memes

That awkward moment when you realize you just punished your kid for acting EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

Funny Confession Ecard: I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night. After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen.

Funny Confession Ecard: I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night. After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitche.

Ice Cream Shop

I'm going to open an ice cream shop and name the flavors things like: dont be sad, he's not worth it, you deserve better. That would be awesome!

When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently

Maybe I should stop doing bad things and avoid the mini panic attack.

This is definitely accurate

To help ease the baby fever: Every time I see a cute kid, I remind myself how awesome it is to sleep through the night.

If being sarcastic burned calories, I'd look like half an Olsen twin | eCards

51 Wonderfully Witty and Sarcastic eCards - Snappy Pixels True though!

Want to do this at church

I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait.so evil!

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