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Dear pretty women, with big knockers, thin waists,who are mute, wealthy, and madly in love with me...Please start existing.

You're efforts at insulting my eye brows were pretty funny only I could care less about such materialistic things. Which has only proven my words true, you are vain, conceited, arrogant, and have an ugly heart.

Flakiness is a good quality in a pie, you dear, are not a pie.

Only croissants & pies should be flaky (what to do, you are my friend 😏)

#ecard #quote   For more quotes and jokes, check out my FB page:  https://www.facebook.com/TheExEffect

Free and Funny Breakup Ecard: I thought you were a genuinely good guy, turns out you're a genuinely good douche bag

So true!!

It's funny how someone who was just a stranger last year, can mean so much to you now. It's terrible how someone who meant so much to you last year, can be just a stranger now. It's amazing what a year can do.

I certainly thought this about someone before. However, for the past couple of years, I've been completely content that they were that way because if they weren't, I wouldn't currently have the life I have always wanted with the perfect man for me! <3

Free, Reminders Ecard: You should come with a warning label: "I am a lying, cheating dickwad and I intend to take advantage of your kind heart"

seems to fit you and your husband to a tee

Rumors, Lies, and Blame

At this point, I don't know what's worse, a person who's full of envy and mental issues spreading rumors & lies. Or the people with not enough education or common sense who believe them. Yep, it's a toss up!

Exactly - Click image to find more Humor Pinterest pins

Funny Family Ecard: When a woman says 'what?' it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said. My husband still repeats himself, I'm like, "oh I heard you perfectly!

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You can't blame anyone but yourself. Funny how you tell on yourself for the wrong things you do and then turn around and say you don't know how we know stuff.