Dog: What is it? Me: It's a tree. Dog: Can I eat it? Dog: *stares blankly* Me: What? Dog: I'm gonna eat it. Me: Once your ass gets a stomach ache I'm gonna let you stay there and grovel in pain because you should have listened.
Squirrel: I'm sorry to bother you but the bird feeder is empty. (A squirrel, my mother named Petey, once got on the porch railing and rang the doorbell because he wanted some peanuts!) Now I call all squirrels, "Petey"