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Funny Confession Ecard: I usually laugh at my own texts before I send them because I rarely say something that's not hilarious.

I love how coffee tricks me into thinking I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes.

I love how coffee tricks me into thinking I'm in a good mood for about 27 minutes. Dump A Day Funny Pictures Of The Day - 90 Pics

This is actually what is happening to me. I'm not drunk! @Danessa Perdieu

people always think I'm drunk after just 2 drinks. When in fact, it's not my fault I'm naturally just a God damn blast

Lol!! Got a little Captain in me!

Free, Somewhat Topical Ecard: My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not. Just kidding.

Love this!

"I've never been a millionaire, but I just know I'd be darling at it!" - Dorothy Parker me too!

SERIOUSLY

Child: "Mom, can I have a candy?" Mom: "Did you brush your teeth?" Child: "Not yet" Mom: "No, then you can't have candy." (Child leaves room and finds Dad)Child: "Dad, can I have candy?" Dad: "Yes.

I often find myself contemplating if punching you in the face would be worth loosing my job. Most days the answer is yes.

A pinner posted: "I often find myself contemplating if punching you in the face would be worth losing my job. Most days the answer is yes." Is loosing your job worse than losing it?

Better late than ugly

better late than ugly ;) actually I usually just arrive ugly since I hate being late!

true story :)

Car dancing the whole time. Totally ignoring the crazy looks from the other cars. Screw their sourpuss faces, in my car, I am AWESOME!

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a whole lot. LoL!

Good thing no one can read my mind…

Funny pictures about Good thing no one can read my mind. Oh, and cool pics about Good thing no one can read my mind. Also, Good thing no one can read my mind.

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